Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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