my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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