I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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