Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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