just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
