I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
