i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
