Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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