do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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