she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
