Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
