TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
soo... how was my night?
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