..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
