I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
