Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
