Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
