Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
