does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
