All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
