Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
