closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize