Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
