Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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