she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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