for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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