Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
