If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
pray to the hookup gods
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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