Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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