I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
