I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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