if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
