She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's blow job season.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
