Non-Jews are for practice
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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