Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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