I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
