im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
