you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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