my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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