I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
