I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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