can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
