By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
