LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
