i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
