God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
