How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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