in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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