Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
