Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
