he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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