this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
