Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
