i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
