AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
