we're chasing vodka with high fives
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Actions speak louder than pants.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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