My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
