I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.