so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do herpes really smell.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
