He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.