Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
