yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
