he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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