She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
