It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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