somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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