Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
